My thoughts on the Burgundy and Gold

Wow... that was awful.

Entering the game with a top-5 defense is irrelevant, evidently, as the Patriots had no trouble -- literally -- dissecting everything that Gregg Williams threw at them. The running game couldn’t be stopped. The passing game couldn’t be stopped. Tom Brady was rarely, if ever, pressured. Plays were being called so methodically on the New England side of the ball that it made the Redskins look like an ill-prepared pee wee team.

Brandon Lloyd spoke to the Junkies this morning and had the quote of the day: "it’s almost as if Bill Belichick is playing chess and everyone else is playing checkers.”

Indeed.

Let’s be honest -- the Burgundy and Gold’s chances of leaving the Boston area with a win were lower than they were high. Anyone thinking they had a shot -- including myself -- was being overly optimistic. A fan has to think their team has a chance in every game, though, right?

I thought, if the Redskins played their absolute best, that they could make it interesting. I laughed at the fact that the point spread was somewhere around 16, as that’s what Miami (who was 0-7 entering the game) got when they hosted New England last week. There was no way in hell that the Redskins would be absolutely, historically destroyed.

But they were. From the opening drive, it was a lopsided affair. An embarrassment.

I couldn’t watch more than 5 plays in a row during the second half, because somewhere in those 5 plays, the ball would either be punted by the Redskins or taken into the endzone by the Patriots.

When asked if anyone in the locker room got fired up after yesterday’s loss, Brandon Lloyd said no. I’m not sure how to take that revelation. On one hand, I think it’s great that the Redskins view yesterday’s loss as one against a superior opponent; a game that simply wasn’t theirs for the taking.

On the other hand, though, I continue to think that the passion simply isn’t there. Not with regard to the players, mind you, but the coaching staff. If Mike Tomlin, Lane Kiffin or any of the other young coaches in the NFL were in that locker room, do you think they’d roll over and say “our guys fought their guts out and I’m not upset with the way things went today”?

Not a chance.

They’d be livid, and they’d be lighting a fire under their player’s asses to try and motivate them to play up to their potential. Numerous guys on this Redskins team have said repeatedly that the group they are surrounded by has the talent to get things done. So what’s the problem?

I think the playcalling sucks. I think the preparation for games is seriously lacking. I think the Head Coach, “Associate” Head Coaches and everyone else that doesn’t wear a numbered uniform is dragging this organization down.

You know what, though?

The Washington Redskins need to get over it. The players in that locker room need to look at themselves, completely disregard what anyone -- including their coaching staff -- says about the Patriots game and focus on the New York Jets. They need to unite as a football team and formulate a game plan. I will even go so far as to suggest a players-only meeting, one in which the guys who actually make the plays can talk about the fact that they are better than this.

It’s the only way things will change. The guys wearing the collared shirts with the script R on them obviously feel no need to panic, but I respectfully disagree. Getting your ass handed to you, when you could’ve at least tried to make it respectable, is panic city.

-----

OK, with that out of the way...

I could go on and on about yesterday’s game, but it’s not going to do anyone any good. I could offer my two cents about how I think Bill Belichick is as classless as it gets, but all it’s going to do is make me sound unnecessarily bitter. I could comment on the lack of an offensive pass interference call in the endzone on Randy Moss, but it wouldn’t have made a difference. I could comment on Wes Welker celebrating his 4th quarter touchdown catch as if his score just clinched a Super Bowl title, but that would be childish.

I could do a lot of things, but the New England Patriots aren’t worth it.

Are they one of the best teams ever assembled? Yes. Are they destroying teams in a way that has never been seen before? Pretty much. Are they doing all of this while observing the unwritten rules of sportsmanship, class and dignity?

Absolutely not.

The way the Patriots are handling themselves this season, I think, is an embarrassment to professional sports. The NFL doesn’t owe them anything. The other 31 teams in the league don’t owe them anything. Bill Belichick got caught red-handed doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, and he’s acting as though the rest of the league is at fault. I don’t care if stealing signals has been going on since the days of Bill Walsh and Tom Landry, as they aren’t the ones who were forced to hand over illegally-obtained tapes.

A bigger man would’ve taken the high road. A team with so much talent and history -- in the past 6 seasons, at least -- could’ve taken the accusations, admitted that they made a colossal mistake and played the rest of the season as cleanly and controversy-free as possible.

That’s not what they chose to do, though. The New England Patriots approached the situation with a third-grade mentality and made it a point of telling everyone else in the school to suck it.

Of course I’m upset that the Redskins were on the receiving end of such a debacle, and I’d be lying if I said otherwise. I just wish the organization on the other side of the field treated the game with the respect it deserves.

Teams that win Super Bowls should be looked at as examples. If and when Tom Brady raises the Lombardi Trophy in February, I’m afraid that everyone outside of New England is going to view him and his organization as the most selfish and disrespectful “champion” the NFL has ever seen...

Brady Shmady

I know I'll probably get shit for saying this, as it's extremely unsportsmanlike, but I would love nothing more than to see Sean Taylor hurt someone on Sunday. The Redskins defense is better than any the Patriots have seen so far, and a devastating hit on Wes Welker or Randy Moss would be just the thing to shake up this all-New England all-the-time nonsense.

Are the Patriots good? Hell yeah, they are. They're great, actually.

Are they incapable of making mistakes? No, of course not.

Tom Brady is playing damn-near perfect football, but the guy is still human. A little pressure from Gregg Williams and his band of thugs and Mr. Moynahan could start throwing some very ill-timed pickles.

I haven't had time to write much lately, but I just wanted to get that out there.

I'll be rooting for the Skins on Sunday with all my heart, and if anyone has a problem with that, you can kiss my pale ass.

Out.

Review: The Darjeeling Limited

As a Wes Anderson fan -- and a slightly obsessed one at that -- I approached his latest effort with higher expectations than I would most other movies. Watching The Darjeeling Limited for the first time on Monday night, it occurred to me that his films almost inadvertently challenge the viewer -- at least one familiar with his work -- to critique every little detail, character trait, shooting angle and music choice.

Unfortunately, that can often end up being a bad thing.

Let me start off by saying that I enjoyed the movie and will certainly watch it again, as Anderson's movies always "feel" different the second time around. In terms of what is produced in Hollywood these days, it is definitely on the higher end of the quality spectrum.

Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou -- Anderson’s three “major” releases* -- have been as close to cinematic perfection as I’ve seen. Everything about them makes me want to quit my job, grab a movie camera and a couple of friends and try my hand at becoming a director.

Wes Anderson inspires me, and that is why it pains me to say that Darjeeling is more than slightly disappointing.

The basic premise of the movie is a good one: Francis Whitman (Owen Wilson) and his two brothers, Jack (Jason Schwartzman) and Peter (Adrien Brody), haven’t seen each other since their father’s funeral a year ago. After a nearly-tragic accident in which Francis was “technically dead for 15 minutes,” he encourages his brothers to join him on a spiritual journey through India to reconnect with each other.

The characters are typical Wes Anderson: sarcastic, quirky and very obsessive-compulsive (Francis says “can we all agree to that?” probably 40 times throughout the film). The humor is dry, the cinematography is often breathtaking and the situations the characters find themselves in are outrageous enough to be interesting.

What The Darjeeling Limited lacks, however, is real substance.

In a short 91 minutes -- 5 of which were spent in slow motion, but I’ll get to that later -- the characters themselves never develop enough to warrant falling in love with them. There is no Herman Blume, no Richie Tenenbaum and no Ned Plimpton / Zissou. The three brothers, each unique in their own right, aren’t pathetic enough to feel sorry for nor charismatic enough to embrace.

That’s not to say they aren't likable, because they most definitely are.

Adrien Brody is very convincing as the more mature middle brother, even though he is clearly unable to move on after his father’s death. Owen Wilson’s Francis, even though he has major issues, is passionate about the journey and wants nothing more than to see his two younger siblings enjoying / finding themselves. Jason Schwartzman, though he comes across as a distracted womanizer, is arguably the sanest of the three and tries his best to ensure that the trip doesn’t become an even bigger disaster.

While the characters and their journey would seemingly be enough to carry the film, Anderson’s quirkiness ultimately detracts from the overall experience. This is hard for me to say, but in Darjeeling, I honestly think he tried too hard.

All of the things that have become synonymous with Wes Anderson’s style have ultimately led to this moment in his career. Movie-goers have already been impressed by his attention to detail, his knack for seamlessly tying music to scenes and his development of great casts.

Unfortunately, rather than taking his strengths and producing another gem, Anderson tries to out-do himself and ends up falling slightly short of expectations.

Previous efforts have included slow-motion shots to signify the culmination / turning-point of the story (see the last dance in Rushmore, the family walking out of Royal’s funeral in Tenenbaums), while in Darjeeling, 4 or 5 scenes are unnecessarily slowed down and take away from the parts that really could’ve been aided by one of Anderson’s most successful tools.

Unique camera angles and diorama-like sets have also been prevalent throughout Anderson’s career,** but in this case, they are over-done and tend not to flow as well as they have in the past. A 360-degree pan of an Indian village makes the viewer feel more nauseous than amazed, though that may be a product of watching on the big screen.

There are also a few scenes in which little makes sense. Towards the end of the movie, the camera pans along The Darjeeling Limited (the train itself), revealing all of the secondary characters that have either been mentioned or met earlier on. It’s great to see, but ends up being irrelevant, as it does nothing to further the story or explain why things have gone the way they have.

In typical Wes Anderson fashion, the overall experience of the movie blends a touch of fantasy with the sometimes-depressing sense of reality. The Darjeeling Limited is no exception; I just wish it focused more on the story itself and provided some closure for what was an otherwise intriguing journey.

Rating: 6.5/10

* I’m not including Bottle Rocket because it was produced before I think Anderson really established his own style as a director.

** Including the AT&T commercials that are airing right now.

My thoughts on the Burgundy and Gold

I would imagine that most of us feel the same way about Sunday’s game, and I don’t think I was alone in needing a day or so to let everything simmer before I started putting my thoughts on paper. My emotions have calmed a bit now, though, so it’s time to get to some observations from the Loss at Lambeau.

01. I’m probably the 500th person to say it, but something is wrong with Santana Moss. I love the guy -- I have two jerseys... his and Doug Williams’s -- but he had one of the worst receiving performances I’ve ever seen on Sunday. The fumble was inexcusable, the deep ball that hit his face mask should have been caught and his play -- or lack thereof -- was a very big part of the Redskins losing.

I feel bad for Number 89, because I know he’s more upset than anyone at the way he played, and taking the blame for a loss has to be one of the hardest things an athlete can do. He has shown flashes of brilliance as a Redskin, and I absolutely believe he still has it in him, but he just plain stunk up Lambeau Field. I like the fact that he chose to take himself out (or so he says), as it was the right move to give Keenan McCardell and Brandon Lloyd their shots at making things happen.

02. Speaking of Brandon Lloyd, he was about 2 inches away from becoming the hero on Sunday after Campbell aired it out just a bit too far. If BL caught that pass, he would’ve gone from locker-room scapegoat to total stud faster than you can say “free agent bust.”

03. I know I’m beginning to sound like a broken record, but where the fudge was Mike Sellers on 4th and short late in the game? Chris Cooley did everything he could to give the Redskins a decent shot at getting the first down -- that spot was horrific, by the way -- and the Redskins did what most teams would do and called a timeout. The FOX cameras even located Mike Sellers during the break, as if everyone in the entire stadium and those watching on TV knew what would happen: he’d get the ball, run someone over and the Skins would get a new set of downs.

So what does Al Gibbs, Associate Play Caller do? He calls a 1-yard pass to Ladell Betts, short of the first down. Why?! If it’s 4th and a short 2 and you opt to pass -- which is questionable to begin with, considering receivers had trouble catching all day -- wouldn’t you at least throw it further than the first down marker? Why put someone in position to have to make a play after the catch?

Bollocks.

04. Speaking of that time-out, did anyone notice how many people were huddled around the coaches trying to offer their two cents? Holy jebus. “Too many cooks in the kitchen,” I say. Let Gibbs and Saunders talk it out, as that’s what they’re paid to do. Even if they don’t come up with the right play for the circumstances, it’s best to minimize any and all confusion on the sidelines. Having multiple receivers, backs, offensive linemen and Joe Ball-dryer standing there in the most crucial of situations is asking for trouble.

05. Was I seeing things, or was one of Green Bay’s defensive lineman ridiculously offsides on 3rd or 4th down late in the game? What the hell was that about? A replay showed it pretty clearly, I thought, but not a mention was made by Troy Aikman, Joe Buck or any of the other 38 people FOX had working the game.

06. Sean Taylor (and the rest of the defense, for that matter) continues to step it up. Sure, he should’ve had more than two interceptions, but you really can’t ask for a whole lot more from those guys. It’s a shame both sides of the ball can’t gel at the same time -- if that were the case, this team would be a lot more intimidating than it has been so far this season (with the exception of the Detroit game).

07. In the past year, the Redskins have lost games 6 of the 9 times they’ve had the lead at halftime. What does this say about the personnel? Are guys becoming complacent in the locker room? Is it the play calling? Injuries definitely do not help the situation, but the fire that this team has during the first half of games needs to carry over for the remaining 30 minutes... period.

08. Packers coach Mike McCarthy said the Redskins “were the best team Green Bay has played so far,” but at the end of the day, a loss is still a loss. I realize that, as a Redskins fan, I pay more attention to what goes on here than in other cities, but is there a more painful team to watch?

When the opening game against Miami went down to the wire, I said that if all the games were that close, I don’t think I’d survive the season. Sunday’s game did not help the situation. There were more blown chances in the second half than any fan should have to endure, and until some consistency is shown, sitting in front of the TV on Sundays will continue to be a heart-wrenching experience.

09. At 3-2, the Redskins are still very much alive in the relatively-open NFC. If holes can be patched on the offensive line and guys can get their heads out of their asses when the ball is thrown their way, this team still has the potential, I think, to be a playoff contender.

Matt Leinart Kurt Warner Tim Rattay and the Cardinals come to FedEx on Sunday, which is a great opportunity to get the train back on track. I strongly believe that the pieces of the puzzle are here. Whether or not they can capitalize on every opportunity they’re given is a different story, and ultimately, that will determine if this group is heading in the right direction or due for another disappointing season...

10. Is it wrong that I sat watching the Patriots / Cowboys game on Sunday and secretly wished the stadium would implode? Just curious.

Hail.

Short Pump Gas Station

Just off Ashland Road, outside Richmond, Virginia.

An open letter to the National Highway Administration

To whom it may concern:

Before I get to the point of this letter, I would like to commend you on a job well done. I can imagine that planning, creating and maintaining a system of roads is a monumental task, and to do it successfully -– while dealing with the millions of cars, trucks and SUVs that interfere with your progress –- is nothing short of incredible.

Construction is an issue, there’s no doubt about that, but that is not where my criticism lies (at least not today, anyway). I want to deal with a separate issue altogether, and that is the issue of signage. More specifically, though, this is in regards to the signage for various roadside conveniences such as gasoline, lodging and restaurants.

First of all, I think it’s great that American motorists are informed of their options while traveling. We live in a fast-paced world, and wasting time searching for the closest Waffle House or Cracker Barrel is, frankly, not an option –- which brings me to my point:

If a sign indicates that a certain convenience store is available at the next exit, it better be available at said exit and not a couple of miles away.

Driving from Richmond to DC this past Sunday, I needed to do two things: relieve myself and get some coffee. Somewhere in Northern Virginia, cruising along 95, I saw a sign for Wawa, a place I happen to be quite fond of. “Perfect,” I thought, “I’ll stop here, be in, out and on my way rather quickly.”

Off the exit I got, and as I approached a stop light, a sign politely informed me that getting to Wawa would require taking a left. So I took a left, drove for approximately three-quarters of a mile and saw another sign, this one informing me that I now had to take a right. And so I did that. And then I drove for another mile or so, at which point I was greeted by another sign: the words “WAWA” with a little arrow pointing left.

Good gracious.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I had hit 5 traffic lights, taken 6 or 7 turns and traveled approximately 2.5 miles from my original exit (which, needless to say, I would have to do in reverse to get back on the highway).

I realize that I’m being a bit of a stickler here, but doesn’t this defeat the purpose of “convenience?” If I’m on the road, my goal is to get from Point A to Point B, not from A to X to Y to X to B. If I had known that my detour would take me 20+ minutes, I would’ve waited until the next exit.

As I stated earlier, people appreciate knowing their options. What people don’t appreciate, however, is being lied to. Wawa was not at all convenient to the exit I took on Sunday, and therefore should not be on the sign in the first place.

In the future, I ask you to consider (or re-consider) the distance that each “attraction” is from the point of exit. I’ll even be so kind as to help you out with a little system I’ve come up with:

If it’s less than a mile, it goes on the sign. If it’s between 1 mile and 2 miles, it goes on the sign if it’s in the middle of nowhere and there are little to no other options. If it’s more than 2 miles, that “convenience” store should be left to the locals (since, let’s be honest, we probably wouldn’t want to use their pisser anyway).

Sound good? Great! I look forward to your thoughts on the matter.

Toodles,

MWP

My thoughts on the Burgundy and Gold

For those that read this blog and are not Redskins fans, beware. I have been sending out weekly e-mails this season with my thoughts on how the team fared in the previous game, and I think posting them here makes it easier.

If you like an opposing team, it would be wise for you to follow the adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all..."

With that having been said, here are 10 things I learned while watching yesterday’s game:

01. With Santana Moss out for the game and Randle El injured after an explosive first half, the Redskins needed to rely on depth that most people weren’t sure existed. One of the most impressive aspects of yesterday’s game, I think, is how well the offense spread the ball.

Recent pick-ups Reche Caldwell and Keenan McCardell both contributed, James Thrash made his presence known in the second half and Chris Cooley continued to provide a quality threat at Tight End. Even doghouse-dweller Brandon Lloyd made a catch late in the game, an option that the Redskins had yet to utilize this season.

At the beginning of the year, the Burgundy and Gold had a questionable receiving corps -- now it looks like they have a surplus of talent that can keep opposing defenses on their toes.

02. The second half of the New York game aside, Jason Campbell has looked like a very solid, consistent NFL quarterback. I think he was more accurate and made smarter decisions in yesterday’s win than in the first few games, and if he continues down the road he’s on, the Redskins have found a quarterback that can stick around for a while (which, needless to say, is a welcome change).

03. I bashed the secondary -- specifically Carlos Rogers -- after Week One’s game, but I have to give credit where credit is due. They had a major hand in limiting Detroit’s big-time offense to 144 total yards and 3 points, an impressive feat to say the least. While the cornerbacks provided some big plays, however, I think the bigger kudos have to go to the defensive line...

04. Jon Kitna, leading an offense that was averaging 28 points a game entering yesterday’s matchup, could do next-to-nothing at FedEx Field. He saw pressure from all sides, rarely had a chance to take a solid look at his receivers and was essentially shackled from the start. Hurried throws led to two Redskins interceptions, one that produced a touchdown and another that gave JC and Co. excellent field position.

05. Sean Taylor is a freak of nature. The block that he laid on the Thrash return was one of the biggest -- if not the biggest -- I’ve seen this year. My friends and I always joke that if one of us were to take a hit from even a mediocre NFL defender, we’d probably be hospitalized for weeks. I think that if I took a hit like that from #21, my head would pop off my shoulders like a Rock’em Sock’em Robot.

06. Mike Sellers is borderline unstoppable. When he ran over Detroit’s safety in the second quarter, you could practically see steam coming out of his ears. He’s a freight train, and anyone who gets in his way is going to pay the price...

...which leads to what I think is an appropriate question: why the hell didn’t Sellers get the ball at the end of the Giants game? Yesterday wasn’t the first time he proved that, for the most part, he’s a man among boys.

Big ass fullbacks like him are on the roster for short-yardage (i.e. goal-line) situations, so not giving him the ball was not taking advantage of one of the strongest weapons in the arsenal. I firmly believe that if Sellers got the call at the Giants’ 1 yard line two weeks ago, the Redskins would be unbeaten and sitting pretty with Dallas atop the NFC East.

07. I love Rock Cartwright, another guy who was used yesterday in a more diverse role than we’ve seen this year. He was handed the ball a few times late in the game, presumably to give Portis and Betts a breather, and did a great job at doing what needed to be done. His fumble recovery during the Thrash return was crucial as well, saving what could have been a tough break on a huge special teams play.

Also, as an avid Seinfeld fan, I just like to yell ‘Cartwright! Cartwright!’ enthusiastically when he’s in the game, a la the maitre-d in the infamous The Chinese Restaurant episode.

08. Watching football on a 60” HDTV is pretty frikking awesome.

09. One thing that has become more prevalent in sports over the years, given the increased media coverage and the emergence of the Elias Sports Bureau, is the mention of useless stats that have little-to-no bearing on the game at hand. Before yesterday’s kickoff, it was brought up multiple times that the Detroit Lions were 0-20 when visiting RFK and FedEx Field.

Fortunately for the Redskins, they played brilliantly and increased the streak to 21-straight, but what is gained from bringing up stats like that?

I’m a big believer in superstition, jinxing and the like, and it would’ve been typical for the Lions to come in and end their futility streak. Sure, the Redskins were favored yesterday and yes, they ended up winning, but Detroit was 3-1 and just came off scoring 34 points in the 4th quarter to beat Chicago. The team who visited Landover this weekend was not the pathetic Lions team who played at RFK in the early 90s, so as far as I’m concerned, streaks / stats like that are ridiculously irrelevant.

10. To quote one of my brothers, today’s thoughts could’ve been summed up with one sentence: “one game at a time.” The Redskins travel to Lambeau next Sunday to face a Packers team that will surely be fired up after blowing a lead against the Bears.

Continue to develop offensively and focus on shutting down the Green Bay passing game -- considering their ground game is almost non-existent -- and a victory is not only attainable, it’s inevitable.

Hail.

(Photo borrowed from washingtonpost.com.)

A few photographs...

As I mentioned in my first post of the "new" blog, I will occasionally share some photography with my readership. I stepped it up a couple of months ago and purchased a Nikon D80, and I've been trying to get back into the swing of things recently after an extensive hiatus (I was big into photography in high school, but that was 10 years ago)...

I am heading to a wedding in Richmond this afternoon, so unfortunately, I don't have time to write much today. The following are a few pictures that I took in DC last week, however, that I thought you may enjoy.

(Full versions of the above pictures can be seen on my Flickr site.)

K-Fed loses custody; kids given to Goodwill

Hollywood, CA

In a shocking turn of events, a Los Angeles court announced Thursday that the children of Britney Spears, recently granted custody to ex-husband Kevin Federline, would ultimately be given to Goodwill Industries.

Just days after the former entertainer was deemed unfit to raise sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, LA Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon decided that neither parent was capable of creating the environment necessary to nurture and support the two youngsters.

“The state of California has determined that both Ms. Spears and Mr. Federline have too much going on in their lives to concentrate on raising these children,” Gordon stated during the official press conference.

“Britney is unbelievably dedicated to resurrecting her singing career. Couple that with Kevin’s desire to begin a life of performing in the hip-hop arena and there is little to no time to focus on their offspring.”

Custody battles are not uncommon in the United States –- especially in the glamorous and promiscuous world of celebrity –- but records of children being given to a third-party organization such as Goodwill do not exist. Lawyers and media pundits familiar with the proceedings have speculated that, due to the high-profile nature of this specific case, potential candidates were few and far between.

“Britney has a long track-record of static with both her mother and her father,” said US Weekly spokesperson Laura Rider, “so distancing the children from any Spears DNA was a logical step forward. And Kevin, although he seems to be turning over a new leaf, is still demonstrating signs of immaturity. Just last week I saw him give ‘pounds’ to 50 Cent upon arriving at Club Citrus. Seriously, who does that anymore?”

After an extensive process of exploring “every alternative,” Commissioner Gordon decided that Goodwill was by far the number one option.

“Goodwill Industries has a history of taking what other people typically don’t want. From old furniture, clothes and computer monitors to jewelry, televisions and toys –- they’ve really got a firm hold on welcoming people’s otherwise-neglected belongings.”

When asked if Goodwill has ever accepted responsibility for anything with a pulse, President and CEO Robert Dexter responded with an emphatic “of course not.”

He continued, asking rather rhetorically, “but how different can it be than caring for the thousands of My Buddys and Kid Sisters we’ve been given over the years?”

Not surprisingly, organizations all over America are up in arms regarding the recent news. Few reactions have been positive, which is understandable considering the unprecedented ruling.

“I realize that some of you are questioning this decision, and I can understand your concern,” Dexter explained, “but we feel comfortable with the situation and will do everything we can to ensure that these kids get the care and attention that they deserve. As a matter of fact, we have already decided where Jayden James and Sean Preston will spend most of their time –- a Goodwill satellite store in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

At last inventory, Tulsa had 3 Speak-N-Spells, an Easy-Bake Oven, a pull-out sofa and a package of [what we imagine are unused] toothbrushes. So right off the bat we’ve got education, domestic experience, bedding and hygiene covered. From what I’ve seen in the tabloids, this is clearly a step in the right direction.”

Ms. Spears was not available for comment, as she was too busy flashing her vagina to the paparazzi.

I'm kind of old school (and it kind of sucks).

I couldn’t stay away forever, could I?

Getting back into the blogging scene is something I’ve wanted to do for a while –- I just haven’t felt a serious urge to do so until now. If you read the old walkingparty.com, you’ll understand that things here can sometimes get interesting. Not very often, mind you, but often enough that it keeps people coming back.

So here you are, and here I am. We’re both back, and it’s the cutest thing ever. At the risk of turning this into a reunited-and-it-feels-so-good moment, however, I would like to proceed with today’s topic...

I went to Barnes and Noble last night because I wanted to buy the soundtrack to The Darjeeling Limited, Wes Anderson’s new film starring –- get this –- Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman. I've been a big fan of his previous soundtracks, so I thought the new one would be worth picking up.

That little piece of information, though I wanted to share it, is not the point of the story. The point of the story, as the title of this post subtly suggests, is that I am one of the few people out there that still buys CDs.

Before you call me crazy, I would like to explain why I do what I do. I buy CDs because a) I like supporting the artists, as cliché as that sounds and b) I like having the physical product in my hands. Sure, buying music online is easier (and cheaper), but purchasing a file just isn’t as satisfying. You don’t get to see what the entire case looks like (do you?), you don’t get to flip through the liner notes and see pictures of the production, snippets of lyrics or whatever clever things artists these days choose to include.

It just isn’t the same. And as long as “they” keep making CDs, I’m going to keep buying them.

Well, the ones I want to, anyway.

Just for the record, before I go any further, I want to state that I do own an iPod. Actually, I’ve owned an iPod for about 6 years and was rockin’ the little white gadget while most of you were plugging your gigantic black headphones into a Sony Discman and thinking you were hip. But I’m not an elitist, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t label me as such.

As someone who appreciates music and is always searching for something new -– both physically and in the ground-breaking sense –- most of you would think that I would be one of iTunes’ biggest customers. I am not, though, because I think iTunes sucks. I do download, yes, but in a fashion some would call “borrowing,” “sharing” or “illegal.”

(Note to the RIAA: if you’re reading this and want to sue me for all I’m worth (close to nothing), I’d like to acknowledge the fact that this post is about me buying a CD.)

Anyway, there I am at B&N, searching for the soundtrack for The Darjeeling Limited. I preview it at one of the listening stations, decide that it’s probably a decent purchase and pay the man.

And here’s the point of my story: I couldn’t fucking open the thing.

Seriously, I began to open it even before I exited the store, and by the time I walked to my car, I still sat there for 5 minutes -– no exaggeration –- before I could get the actual CD out of its case. Whoever decided that shrink-wrapping the packaging until it couldn’t possibly be any tighter needs to be shot. The little corners that you should be able to stick your fingernail under and start the process? Pretty much non-existent.

And don’t get me started on the title / artist label that prevents you from opening the case after you’ve gotten the cellophane off. You’d think that after all these years, someone would’ve realized that putting that information on the outside of the packaging would make a bit more sense.

The bottom line? Opening CDs, for those that haven’t done it in a while, sucks. Period.

I dropped countless f-bombs throughout the ordeal and even had to turn the air conditioning on because I was getting so flustered. It was terrible. Finally getting the disc free was like nothing I had ever experienced before, satisfying enough that I had to light a cigarette immediately afterwards.

So there it is -- my story about being somewhat old school. Sure, it’s cool on the exterior, but it’s not nearly as convenient as being a soldier in the digital revolution. Buying CDs is for losers, and whoever wastes five minutes of their life trying to open one is a loser by association.

It’s good to be back.